In any human relationship, there are disagreements from time to time. And at work, and in the family, and in the relationship between lovers, conflict situations occur. Many people experience them rather painfully. And completely in vain. You need to learn how to relate to such situations and know how to correctly resolve the conflict.
Psychologists advise to treat conflict situations positively - as an opportunity to clarify and even modify relationships.
Learning to resolve conflicts
If a conflict occurs, you must definitely let your partner let off steam: try to listen to all his complaints calmly and patiently, without interrupting or commenting. In this case, the internal stress will decrease both for you and your opponent.
After the emotions are thrown out, you can offer to substantiate the claim. In this case, it is necessary to monitor the situation so that the opposite side of the conflict does not again switch from a constructive discussion of problems to an emotional one. If this happens, you need to tactfully dispute the debater to intellectual conclusions.
You can stifle the negative emotions of a partner by giving him a sincere compliment or reminding him of something good and pleasant from the common past.
Respect for your opponent is a prerequisite for how to resolve the conflict correctly. It will impress even an extremely angry person. If, in such a situation, the partner is insulted, transferred to the individual, the conflict will definitely not be resolved.
What to do if the opponent was unable to restrain himself and switched to screaming? Do not break into reciprocal abuse!
If you feel guilty of the conflict yourself, do not be afraid to apologize. Remember that only smart people are capable of this.
The concept and psychology of conflictology
Conflict - what is it? In short, it’s clash of interests, opinions and opinions.
As a result of the conflict, a crisis situation arises in which each participant in the conflict seeks to impose his point of view on the other side.
Unstoppable conflict may lead to open confrontationin which the subject of the dispute is pushed into the background and the ambitions of the parties come first.
As a rule, as a result of the conflict, losers and winners do not appear, since all participants spend their strengths and as a result do not receive positive emotions.
Particular danger represent internal conflicts when a person is tormented by conflicting thoughts and desires tearing him apart. The protracted states of internal conflicts often end in depression and neurosis.
A modern person needs to be able to recognize a conflict in time, take competent steps to prevent the conflict from growing and its elimination at the stage of origin.
If, nevertheless, it is not possible to resolve the conflict immediately, it is necessary to be able to build the correct line of behavior and competently get out of the conflict with minimal loss.
As a result of numerous studies, it has been determined that most conflicts arise without the respective intentions of their participants.
Often people involuntarily react to other people's conflictogenes, or they themselves are a source of conflictogenic agents, as a result of which a stressful situation arises.
Conflictogenes - words, actions, actions leading to conflict. They arise when there are any psychological problems among the participants, or are used purposefully to achieve their goals.
Most conflicts are manifested for the following reasons:
- thirst for excellence. The desire to prove their worth,
- aggressiveness. Initially aggressive behavior towards other people caused by a negative emotional state,
- selfishness. The desire to achieve their goals at all costs.
How do conflicts arise? True reasons and methods of resolution:
The most effective strategies that are most often used in practice for conflict resolution are:
About conflict resolution methods in this video:
Most often used in the professional field. These include:
That is, the goal should be of high importance for all parties to the conflict.
How to resist aggression and successfully resolve the conflict? Similar conflict resolution methods are more commonly used in interpersonal communication.
To successfully resolve the situation using constructive methods, it is necessary to form an adequate perception of the situation among the participantsarrange them for open interaction, create an atmosphere of goodwill and trust, and jointly determine the root of the problem.
Design styles include:
Often such an analysis leads a person to the idea that the essence of the conflict is not so significant for him, and he can easily abandon the dispute that has begun, without incurring any losses.
Allows each side to feel like a winner. A similar effect is achieved if the parties agree to abandon their initial positions, reconsider the situation and find a solution that satisfies everyone.
The method can be used only if the parties to the dispute demonstrate flexibility of thinking and the ability to adapt to new circumstances.
The most peaceful, mature way resolution of the situation.
The parties decide on mutual concessions in order to eliminate the negative factors that caused the dispute.
Such behavior of people allows not only to peacefully resolve emerging contradictions without prejudice to anyone, but also build long-term communication links.
Way out of conflict
How to get out of conflict situations? To get out of this unpleasant situation next steps to be taken:
- Stop using words or perform actions that provoke a negative reaction of the opponent.
- Do not respond to such behavior on the part of the interlocutor.
- Demonstrate disposition towards another person. You can do this with gestures, facial expressions, words. A smile, stroking on the shoulder, shaking hands, using polite phrases - all this helps to smooth out disputes.
The interlocutor immediately acquires a positive attitude and the situation is soon resolved.
Social conflicts are best resolved using constructive methods.
For example, the neighbors of an apartment building may come into conflict due to the allocation of parking spaces in the yard.
Some neighbors will insist on the organization of clear markings, according to which each car is allocated a specific parking space. Other residents will advocate for the possibility of free arrangement of cars.
In this situation the most effective dispute resolution methods will be building a dialogue, joint resolution of the situation through compromise.
It is enough for residents to organize a meeting and make a decision on it that part of the area in the courtyard is reserved for individual parking lots, and the other part remains for proponents of arbitrary parking.
Management disputes are best addressed by structural methods.
For example, employees of one team may come into conflict in connection with inability to work together in one direction.
Each defines for himself a range of responsibilities that is not approved by his colleague. The result is a conflict and the inefficiency of teamwork.
The head of employees who have entered into a dispute must apply methods of clarifying requirements, setting goals and setting remuneration.
Each employee will be explained the principle of his work, a clear range of job responsibilities. In front of colleagues joint goals will be setupon reaching which, they will receive the promised reward (bonus, promotion, etc.).
How to resolve conflicts? Learn from the video:
What relates to the form of ending the conflict? Clash of interests can be completed as follows:
- Resolution. Prerequisites may be the parties' desire to end the dispute and not return to it in the future. The final resolution of the conflict may require the involvement of third parties. This is especially true in the field of professional relationships.
- Attenuation. The dispute may cease to be relevant for one of the parties, or for all participants in the process. In the first case, the second side does not find a response to their own words and actions and is forced to end the conflict. In the second case, the parties simultaneously decide on the reluctance to continue the dispute due to fatigue, the end of arguments, loss of interest in the subject of the dispute, etc.
This type of conflict completion is not always a positive result, because if a new incentive arises, the dispute can resume with renewed vigor.
Completion is not always permission
Does ending a conflict always mean resolving it? It is important not to confuse the concept of ending a conflict situation with its resolution.
Conflict ending - this is the moment when the actions of the parties expire at the current time, the dispute is terminated for various reasons (attenuation, escalation into a new dispute, etc.)
The conclusion of the dispute at the moment does not guarantee that he will not reappear after some time. This is due to the fact that the source of the conflict is not dividing anywhere, and the parties have not achieved any result.
Conflict resolution involves the conscious application of methods and techniques aimed at correcting the negative situation that has arisen.
The resolved conflict allows the parties to come to terms and no longer return to the subject of the dispute.
Thus, a conflict can arise in any area of human life. as a result of a clash of his interests with those of other people.
There are many ways to get out of a conflict. It is important to be able to put them into practice before the situation has moved to a serious level.
About how to communicate with other people, if you have different points of view on some issues with them, in this video:
Some techniques of behavior in a conflict situation
There are several proven tricks on how to resolve a conflict.
Reception number 1. Try to imagine yourself a commentator watching a quarrel. Look at the conflict from the outside, and above all, at yourself.
Mentally shut yourself off with an impenetrable cap or body armor - you will immediately feel that the opponent’s taunts and unpleasant words are broken against the obstacle you have placed, and they will not hurt so sharply.
Having seen from the position of a commentator what qualities you lack in the conflict, endow them with your imagination and continue the argument as if you have them.
If you do this regularly, missing qualities will indeed appear.
Reception number 2. How to resolve the conflict between the disputes? This very simple technique often helps not only to relieve tension, but also to completely avoid confrontation. You just need to move away or move away from the enemy. The closer the conflicting parties physically, the stronger the passions.
Reception number 3. Surprise your opponent at the time of conflict with a non-standard phrase or joke. This is just a great way to resolve the conflict. It's hard to swear with a person who is joking!
Reception number 4. If it is absolutely clear that the interlocutor deliberately provokes a conflict, insults and simply does not give a chance to answer, in such a situation it is better to leave, saying that you do not want to continue the conversation in that tone. Better to postpone it "for tomorrow."
By taking a timeout, you will calm down, get a break to find the right words. And the person who provoked the quarrel will lose his confidence during this time.
What should not be allowed in a conflict
Good self-control is the key to a successful exit from a conflict situation.
You need to learn to restrain emotions and keep calm. In the event of a conflict with partners or customers, the following are strictly prohibited:
- irritable tone and swearing,
- a clear demonstration of their own superiority,
- criticism of the opponent
- searching for negative intentions in his actions,
- disqualification, blaming the partner for everything,
- ignoring the interests of the opponent,
- exaggerating their role in the common cause,
- pressure on the "painful spots."
The best way to get out of conflict is not to bring it to light.
Psychologists advise treating conflict as a positive factor. If, at the very beginning of building relationships, noticing conflict points, not hushing them up, serious quarrels can be stopped at the root.
We need to try to “put out the fire” before it broke out. Therefore, the best way to resolve the conflict is not to bring it to it. Indeed, in life there are already many difficulties, and nerve cells are still useful.
Often the cause of the confrontation is the accumulation of unspoken negativity. Something annoys the person in the behavior of a colleague or just freaks out some kind of habit of a loved one, but he does not know how to say this so as not to spoil the relationship. Therefore suffers and is silent. The effect is the exact opposite. Накопленное раздражение рано или поздно выплескивается в неконтролируемой форме, что может привести к серьезному конфликту.Therefore, it is very important not to bring to a "boiling point", but calmly and tactfully express your claims as soon as they arise.
When to Avoid Conflict
But there are cases when it is not worth avoiding a conflict situation, because it will help to resolve the problem. You can consciously go to conflict if:
- you need to defuse the situation by finding out what has been sore with a loved one,
- there is a need to break the relationship
- losing to your opponent means betraying your ideals.
But you need to remember that intentionally going to the conflict, you need to sort things out intelligently.
Memo "How to correctly resolve the conflict"
To get out of the conflict situation as quickly as possible and with the least losses, we offer this sequence of actions.
1. First of all, the existence of conflict must be recognized. We must not allow situations where people feel a confrontation and act according to their chosen tactics, but do not talk about it openly. To resolve such a conflict without joint discussion of the parties will fail.
2. Having recognized the conflict, it is necessary to agree on negotiations. They can be both face to face, and with the participation of an intermediary who arranges both sides.
3. Determine what exactly constitutes the subject of the confrontation. As practice shows, the parties to the conflict often see the essence of the problem in different ways. Therefore, we need to find common ground in understanding the dispute. Already at this stage, it is important to determine whether the rapprochement of positions is possible.
4. Develop several solutions, taking into account all the possible consequences.
5. After considering all the options, stop on the one that suits both parties. Record the decision in writing.
6. Implement the solution. If this is not done immediately, the conflict will only deepen, and repeated negotiations will be much more difficult.
We hope that our advice will help you if not avoid conflicts, then get out of them with dignity.